An Open Letter to Brad Pitt

Dear Brad:

Congratulations on your Oscar nomination...you realize 2008 was a subpar year for movies, right?

It was.

Benjamin Button was a Forest Gump ripoff. The only difference: Button swapped borderline retardation for a reversed aging process. And some would say Kate Blanchett is better looking than Robin Wright Penn. This is a moot point.

I prefer Robin Wright Penn's Bohemian look to Blanchett's more classical, porcelain beauty anyways.

That is neither here nor there.

Also, you look kind of old. It was like in Oceans 13, you looked like normal Brad. then in Babel you looked really old. The clock is tickin'. So maybe it is a good thing you're nominated. Before too long your face will look like Robert Redford's—like luggage. And, you won't be able to play those crucial heartthrob roles you used to.

It's part of the game I suppose.

You'll probably take home an Oscar in March, but realize this: 2008 movies were horrible.

Best Regards,

Adam Stephen Hook

p.s. Lose the Freddie Mercury mustache.