Tuesday, December 2, 2008

What I'd Do

I've been chatting with some friends about what I will do when I make my trillions off advertising and screenplay writing. Like, we're talking Oprah, Bill Gates, and Warren Buffet's net worth-s combined. Of course I'd do some really crazy philanthropy—that's a given. But I would do some really absurd stuff.

Just because.

Here's an abbreviated list:

I would turn a Bugatti Veyron into a functioning/competing Monster truck. This truck would also be capable of going at least 180 mph.

I would buy the metric system. And launch it into the outer reaches of our galaxy.

I would buy a pack of those really rare elephants. They will play in my backyard.

To celebrate my astronomical wealth, I will hold a black tie event on top of Mount Everest. Diddy and Jay-Z won't even be on the guest list.

I will buy the rights to every movie sequel in production. If the film is not up to my standards, I will feed all the reels to the Humboldt Squid that lives in my aquarium.

For each one of my friend's birthdays, I will rent out Rodeo Drive and Fairfax Avenue in Los Angeles. All items in every store would be available (complimentary) to the birthday boy/girl for 5 hours.

I will be the primary sponsor of a Super Bowl.

I will construct my lair in the heart of a dormant volcano on Bora Bora.

Holiday guests will be flown on my fleet of F-22 fighter planes. Ground transportation courtesy of my pack of Cheetahs.

Kanye West will be number 2 on my thought-activated microscopic phone.

Nike will send one (1) pair of sneakers to my house per day. Each sneaker will be worn only once then incinerated in my volcano kiln.

That's all I could think of, right now.

1 comment:

Diametric said...

So after some time of searching, he has been located...

How the hell are ya? Long time no talkie but I echo your sentiments of the lost "white love"...

Just wanted to send a shout out, hope all is well...