An Open Letter to Brad Pitt

Dear Brad:

Congratulations on your Oscar nomination...you realize 2008 was a subpar year for movies, right?

It was.

Benjamin Button was a Forest Gump ripoff. The only difference: Button swapped borderline retardation for a reversed aging process. And some would say Kate Blanchett is better looking than Robin Wright Penn. This is a moot point.

I prefer Robin Wright Penn's Bohemian look to Blanchett's more classical, porcelain beauty anyways.

That is neither here nor there.

Also, you look kind of old. It was like in Oceans 13, you looked like normal Brad. then in Babel you looked really old. The clock is tickin'. So maybe it is a good thing you're nominated. Before too long your face will look like Robert Redford's—like luggage. And, you won't be able to play those crucial heartthrob roles you used to.

It's part of the game I suppose.

You'll probably take home an Oscar in March, but realize this: 2008 movies were horrible.

Best Regards,

Adam Stephen Hook

p.s. Lose the Freddie Mercury mustache.

I Like SCARY Movies

They really don't make 'em like they used to. Every contemporary movie that's supposed to be scary is either overdone, or just really stupid. Hostel II- I crap scarier stuff than that. Don't get me wrong, that movie is about as gnarcore as it gets, but it's just too overdone. I expect more from Eli Roth. I want him to go ahead and make a full-length version of Thanksgiving (the trailer in Planet Terror). Sure, it'd be campy, but at least it would be a good romp and a surefire cult classic. 28 Weeks Later and 28 Days Later are an exception to the rule. I love em.

I bitch and moan about this quite a bit, but it's true. Director's nowadays opt for the easy way out and just CG the piss out of horror movies. Take it back to the old school. Take some cues from William Friedkin circa Exorcist (not Bug. It should've been called Queef). Or Kubrick's The Shining.

Here's one of my favorite scenes from The Shining.. It still scares the Bejesus out of me.


Because of that scene, I look at twins with a wary eye... Not even kidding.