Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Who does number 2 work for?

No one wants to be disturbed in the process of #1 or #2.

That's why using public restrooms takes a certain type of bravado. Certainly not everyone's cut out for it.

There's valid reasons for shying away from doing your business in a Shoney's bathroom. First off: the toilet paper's always horrible—more of a light-grade sandpaper. And it's always one ply.

Second: The lack of privacy. For guys, the urinal situation is just kinda weird. Most dudes completely avoid any form of communication: eye contact and talking are forbidden.

The stall situation is not right either. The gaps in either side of the doors do not inspire confidence, and 7 out of 10 times, the locks do not function properly.

The stall is not a place to relax. It is not a tranquil time.

Marauders could spoil the situation at any moment, so one must make haste.

But this danger brings excitement when using public toilets.Getting your business done in high-pressure situations brings a sense of accomplishment.

You're a clutch player.

If you shy away from the public commode, you sulk home. Defeated by the task, you answer nature's call in the comfort of your own surroundings. Two-ply quilted. Reading material. Pleasant lighting. Perhaps music.

By holding it, you've taken a lesser path. You were beaten.

Next time you're out and about, use the public can.

Show that turd who's boss.

It's empowering.


Kristjan Michael Morgan said...

Bahahahahah. In the name of Jason Kreis, amen.

Evan said...

I accept that challenge and I'll raise the bet.

I dare you all to not flush it once you finish.

abby :: tfp said...

#2 in the PC bathrooms? gosh, i hope not. those things hold smells for at least 5 months

Erick Montes said...

Great post! very inspiring...
You know, I just recently broke the seal and performed at school for the first time in the year+ we've been there. I gotta say, I'm quite proud of myself. I don't think it will be happening again, but I can't help but feel like I had a major breakthrough. I usually get pretty bad stage fright, but the procedure went by pretty smoothly.
Just thought I'd share.