Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Who does number 2 work for?

No one wants to be disturbed in the process of #1 or #2.

That's why using public restrooms takes a certain type of bravado. Certainly not everyone's cut out for it.

There's valid reasons for shying away from doing your business in a Shoney's bathroom. First off: the toilet paper's always horrible—more of a light-grade sandpaper. And it's always one ply.

Second: The lack of privacy. For guys, the urinal situation is just kinda weird. Most dudes completely avoid any form of communication: eye contact and talking are forbidden.

The stall situation is not right either. The gaps in either side of the doors do not inspire confidence, and 7 out of 10 times, the locks do not function properly.

The stall is not a place to relax. It is not a tranquil time.

Marauders could spoil the situation at any moment, so one must make haste.

But this danger brings excitement when using public toilets.Getting your business done in high-pressure situations brings a sense of accomplishment.

You're a clutch player.

If you shy away from the public commode, you sulk home. Defeated by the task, you answer nature's call in the comfort of your own surroundings. Two-ply quilted. Reading material. Pleasant lighting. Perhaps music.

By holding it, you've taken a lesser path. You were beaten.

Next time you're out and about, use the public can.

Show that turd who's boss.

It's empowering.

4 comments:

Kristjan Michael Morgan said...

Bahahahahah. In the name of Jason Kreis, amen.

Evan said...

I accept that challenge and I'll raise the bet.

I dare you all to not flush it once you finish.

abby :: tfp said...

#2 in the PC bathrooms? gosh, i hope not. those things hold smells for at least 5 months

Erick Montes said...

Great post! very inspiring...
You know, I just recently broke the seal and performed at school for the first time in the year+ we've been there. I gotta say, I'm quite proud of myself. I don't think it will be happening again, but I can't help but feel like I had a major breakthrough. I usually get pretty bad stage fright, but the procedure went by pretty smoothly.
Just thought I'd share.