This a work-in-progress bio I wrote for my website. I thought it'd be funny to keep it entertaining. I obviously took creative license when writing it. It was also really late when I 'penned' it, so let me know if it's utter crap.
Rumor has it that Adam Stephen Hook was born in the bosom of southern Utah—somewhere near Canyonlands National Park. From birth, a compassionate family of lynx weaned Adam into his terrible twos. But, lacking opposable thumbs and adequate educational facilities, the lynx family packed Adam’s only belongings—a Ronnie Lott football card and a tattered Baja jacket—and sent him to the hustle and bustle of Salt Lake City.
It was here Adam learned to read and speak English. During his tutelage, he fell in love with skiing, mountain biking, and meteorology. He also fell in love with grammar and fart jokes.
It was his destiny to pursue a career in advertising copywriting.